Home CHRISTMAS DAY CELEBRATION Funny Christmas Quotes that will Make You Laugh

Funny Christmas Quotes that will Make You Laugh

Funny Christmas Quotes

Christmas is stressful, you have to do a lot of things for the preparation of Merry Christmas event. You spend time in shopping, Cooking Dishes for Christmas, bringing gifs for the family and friends. Thus you may have a busy schedule during the holiday season. So here we will release your stress by presenting Funny Christmas quotes for you that you can share with your friends and family. These funny Christmas quotes will bring Happiness and increase the level of your joy to celebrate this mage event of Christmas 2020.

Funny Christmas Quotes

Below is the collection of best Funny Christmas Quotes for you.



“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”
– Andy Borowitz

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”
– Victor Borge


“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.”
– Melanie White


“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
– Dave Barry


“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.”
– Bridger Winegar

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”
– Winston Spear

Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks. 
~ Anonymous


Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. 
~ Phyllis Diller


One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly. 
~ Andy Rooney



Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. 
~ Larry Wilde


A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. 
~ Garrison Keillor

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I’ll drink the red. 
~ AnonymousFunny Christmas Quotes

Three Wise Women would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth.
~ Anonymous

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. 
~ Dave Barry

Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas. 
~ Stephen Graham Jones

Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip. 
~ Gary Allan

Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year. 
~ Victor Borge

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. 
~ Kin Hubbard

Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. 
~ Lenore Hershey

“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.”– Guy Endore Kaiser
“The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.””– John Leo
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”– Kin Hubbard
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”– Don Marquis
“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”– Bridger Winegar
“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.”– Erma Bombeck

Christmas Quotes funny for friends:

Here you will find the best Funny Christmas Quotes for friends these are Funny Christmas Quotes.


Friends, you truly make Christmas what it is: a slapstick comedy in this family!

Christmas Quotes about Family and Friends

Friend, without you, my Christmas would truly be bright.

If you’re going to be celebrating Christmas with this family, then you need to put your hilarity hat on right now!

Have a drink, make a toast and celebrate the holiday that we love most!

To you, my friends, I give a cheer! To you, my friends, at Christmas I give some beers!

Alas, I know it was me under the tree you wanted to see, but on Christmas morning, nowhere found shall I be!

Hey, if Christmas is supposed to be merry, what are you doing here?

Here’s a toast to lots of frothy beverages and yummy drinks from Christmas Eve until the new year rolls on in.

If I didn’t have friends like you, Christmas just wouldn’t be the carnival that is usually is.

Celebrating Christmas with you brings so much humor into my life.

A good old-fashioned Christmas? More like a Christmas with the new-age technology buff of the century!

Ah, friend! You are finally here! I know what you want; the egg nog’s right over there.

Funny Christmas Quotes

Would you like some Christmas thanks or perhaps a bunch of Christmas pranks?

Growing up with you has been worth all of the glasses of eggnog in the world.

Would you like to open a present? Would you like to open a gift? Friend, let’s just celebrate Christmas and get over this silly rift.

When we have close friends, the hilarity of Christmas will never come to an end.

When you come over for Christmas, we truly never know what to expect.

You bring the giggles and laughter to each and every Christmas celebration.

This year? Coal for you!

When you look in your stocking and see coal, make sure you blame our other friend.

Christmas gifts from friends are great as long as it’s not another picture frame, candle or piece of stale cake!

Funny Christmas Quotes

Short Funny Christmas Quotes

Enjoy Funny Christmas Quotes & Sayings below.

  • What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.
    – Don Marquis
  • Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.
    – Dave Barry
  • As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
    – Andy Borowitz
  • I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from.
    – Melanie WhiteFunny Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes for cards:

Below mentioned are Funny Christmas quotes for cards.

  • Some businessmen are saying that this could be the greatest Christmas ever.
    I always thought the first one was.
    – Art Fettig
  • Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
    – Dave Barry
  • Why were there only three kings at Jesus’ birth?
    Elvis had not yet entered the building.
  • May your longest list this Christmas be the one that counts your blessings.
    – Unknown Author
  • What’s the best part of Christmas shopping?
    When you know it’s a wrap.
    – Melanie White
  • Know why this Christmas card is awesome?
    It’s not an email.
    It’s not a text.
    It’s not facebook, snapchat, or Pinterest.
  • If you mistakenly wrap a Christmas present in the paper that says “Happy Birthday”…
    You can always write “to Jesus” on it.
  • Tell the kid next door you’re the Christmas Lawyer. You know he’s been naughty…
    But if he gives you half his Christmas presents, you can plead him down to “not very nice.”
  • This Christmas let’s try to keep things in their proper perspective.
    After all, credit cards do have their limits.
    – Melanie White
  • My goal this Christmas is to be on both lists: Naughty and Nice.
  • Why should you teach your kids Christmas carols?
    Because they can’t sing and beg for toys at the same time.
    – Melanie WhiteFunny Christmas Quotes

Enjoy Funny Christmas Quotes form our best collection.

  • You can feel a real let-down after Christmas.
    Especially when all you have to look forward to is your New Year’s resolutions.
    – Melanie White
  • Merry Christmas!
    Know what the best thing about this card is?
    It doesn’t come with a fruitcake!
  • Don’t you just hate the blatant materialism of Christmas?
    Aren’t you just dying to know what you got?
    – Melanie White
  • Need more Christmas cheer? Do what I do: ask Santa to bring you some cheerleaders!
    – Greg Tamblyn
  • After-Christmas sales fulfill a vital need.
    They give women something to do while men are watching bowl games.
    – Melanie White
  • Christmas shopping for your parents is easy.
    Just buy them clothes you wouldn’t get caught dead in.
    – Melanie White

Funny Christmas Quotes

Funny Merry Christmas Sayings

Enjoy the short funny Christmas sayings and quotes in the below region and celebrate Christmas with full zeal and zest.

  • The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our ‘top of the food chain’ claim is invalid.
    – Linda in Disguise ‏@LindaInDisguise
  • The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for twenty minutes.
    – Julius Sharpe ‏@juliussharpe
  • Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
    – Larry Wilde
  • Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
    – Kin Hubbard
  • There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
    – Conan O’Brien
  • If you watch a lot of infomercials, there’s a good chance you’ll already know how to work any gift you get from me.
    – Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder
  • In the birth of Jesus story,
    One thing we’re never told:
    What happened to the frankincense
    And myrrh, and all that gold?
    – Greg Tamblyn

So you can get the number of wishes and quotes for Christmas from here like funny Christmas one-liners, cute short Christmas sayings, catchy Christmas phrases, Funny Christmas Quotes, short Christmas sayings for cards and short Christmas messages.


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